Naked Cooking Show

Now the simple fact of life is that humans (among other living organisms) need to consume some form of sustenance, in order to survive. Most people refer to this consumption as “eating food” and food can be presented in a number of very creative ways.

Shown above: Very creative ways

Food can also be fucking awesome!!!! .

Shown above: Fucking Awesome!!!!

And food can also be mind blowing as is the case with Turducken. Wait “what the effing fuck is Turkducken?” you ask?

It’s this but with poultry!

 

Turducken: a chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkery

(You’re waiting for a train….)

 

However food has taken the next step from awesome to epic! In Hong Kong they have a new cooking show in which the host is a model without clothes….and she cooks….without clothes….making food….naked. Ok, well the model’s not completely naked as she wears a specially designed transparent apron so viewers can still enjoy the sight of her boobies while they remain stain/burn free! The model/host of the cooking show is 26 year old Flora Cheung who has no professional cooking experience whatsoever but clearly the producers don’t really give a shit….and I doubt the viewers will be complaining about her lack of credentials either (well the men anyway).

Hungry and Horny is a dangerous combo

HOF

Anywhere you go in Korea and in every entertainment district on the southern peninsula, there is a golden rule…. HOF = Beer. If you see a sign that says “HOF” it means that the so emblazoned establishment, has beer readily available on tap. Why HOF? I don’t have a fucking clue but I will attempt to logically explain how this three letter word has come to signify the dispensing of fizzy hops juice.

You see in the old country (being Germany) there is a little township by the name of Hof.

Shown above: Not Hof

 

Presumably the Korean’s believe that this is the birth place of beer. Personally, I think some Korean bartender just took a dart to a map of Germany and nick-named the keg juice after whatever the fuck place he hit first (although it’s quite possible that he hit Bösleben-Wüllersleben first and then decided that Hof would be easier to say).

It’s not very hard to get a cold one from the tap since these beer peddling restaurants are everywhere so there’s very little hassle when it comes to finding a hof….unless you want some hassle with your hof….

Shown above: This is funny…. right?

 

K-Pop

The typical western understanding of a girl/boy band is a 4-5 person group of sexually appealing pop singers, that never play any instruments but claim they can, and the leader of the group is always the one that has the most successful solo career (except the Backstreet Boys….who never showed definitive leadership). However, Korea has decided to serve up a big “suck on this!!!!” and revolutionized the way the world looks at this genre….

by having a ridiculous amount of members in one group….

Girl’s Generation

 

Super Junior

 

 

T-ARA

So now all the fans of K-pop can have wet dreams about ultra-massive orgies with their favourite groups.

I think the Korean, media machine has taken a very American approach when it comes to pop bands, by this I mean they’ve decided to opt for excessiveness. Of course, we all know that excess is a good thing….

….right?

 

RIGHT????!!!!

 

At least we can take comfort in knowing that the western world will never pull something so mind-numbingly retarded like having a gimmicky, 9 member pop group.

….Fuck! Seriously guys?

 

Dick Stick

Right now you’re probably thinking WTF³ or still wiping the tears off your face from the laugh-gasm you just had. No, this is not a Photoshop job, it is a real snack in Korea. I couldn’t believe it either but it does in fact exist.

Now, we can look at this in one of two ways. On one hand, it is quite possible that the people who named this product were complete, incompetent retards, that not only dropped the ball but also shot it numerous times, with a nail gun. On the other hand….they just might be the most brilliant and innovative marketers of our time.

Case in point, it hasn’t been taken off the shelves in the local market, so that means that there are people who actually enjoy stuffing dick sticks in their mouths. A simple internet search of this, delightfully named snack, will also show that a number of foreigners visiting Korea have bought a pack for the sheer novelty of getting their hands on a dick stick.

So, before you judge too quickly and say, “Man, these Koreans need to learn some fucking English!” let me ask you; if you saw a pack of Dick Sticks at your grocery store would you buy it, show all of your friends, proceed to make a bet with them to see how many you can fit in your mouth and then make it your Facebook profile picture?

Game. Set. Match: Dick Stick marketers.

Side note: I’m going to try and contact the company requesting that they put out more Dick Stick products such as: Chocolate Dick Stick, Cream filled Dick Stick, Curved Dick Stick, Mega Size Dick Stick, Big Salty Nuts and a new candy they can brand as Cock Rocks.