HOF

Anywhere you go in Korea and in every entertainment district on the southern peninsula, there is a golden rule…. HOF = Beer. If you see a sign that says “HOF” it means that the so emblazoned establishment, has beer readily available on tap. Why HOF? I don’t have a fucking clue but I will attempt to logically explain how this three letter word has come to signify the dispensing of fizzy hops juice.

You see in the old country (being Germany) there is a little township by the name of Hof.

Shown above: Not Hof

 

Presumably the Korean’s believe that this is the birth place of beer. Personally, I think some Korean bartender just took a dart to a map of Germany and nick-named the keg juice after whatever the fuck place he hit first (although it’s quite possible that he hit Bösleben-Wüllersleben first and then decided that Hof would be easier to say).

It’s not very hard to get a cold one from the tap since these beer peddling restaurants are everywhere so there’s very little hassle when it comes to finding a hof….unless you want some hassle with your hof….

Shown above: This is funny…. right?

 

Dick Stick

Right now you’re probably thinking WTF³ or still wiping the tears off your face from the laugh-gasm you just had. No, this is not a Photoshop job, it is a real snack in Korea. I couldn’t believe it either but it does in fact exist.

Now, we can look at this in one of two ways. On one hand, it is quite possible that the people who named this product were complete, incompetent retards, that not only dropped the ball but also shot it numerous times, with a nail gun. On the other hand….they just might be the most brilliant and innovative marketers of our time.

Case in point, it hasn’t been taken off the shelves in the local market, so that means that there are people who actually enjoy stuffing dick sticks in their mouths. A simple internet search of this, delightfully named snack, will also show that a number of foreigners visiting Korea have bought a pack for the sheer novelty of getting their hands on a dick stick.

So, before you judge too quickly and say, “Man, these Koreans need to learn some fucking English!” let me ask you; if you saw a pack of Dick Sticks at your grocery store would you buy it, show all of your friends, proceed to make a bet with them to see how many you can fit in your mouth and then make it your Facebook profile picture?

Game. Set. Match: Dick Stick marketers.

Side note: I’m going to try and contact the company requesting that they put out more Dick Stick products such as: Chocolate Dick Stick, Cream filled Dick Stick, Curved Dick Stick, Mega Size Dick Stick, Big Salty Nuts and a new candy they can brand as Cock Rocks.